Hope, in the moment

If I had been working for Scoop Whoop, the title of this post would have been – 5 ways to be happy in life. 7 minutes read.

The reason of Happiness has, for long, been one of my primary curiosities. I have been obsessed with the idea of finding the one sure shot way of pursuing or getting it. Compared to where I stood a couple of years back, I have a lot more clarity on the subject but this is still miles from where I’d like to be.

What’s worked

Although I have tried a lot of ways of staying happy, here are the two that have actually worked for me.

1.     Living in the moment: As a poet guilty of reading between the lines and overthinking, I have a tendency of delving way too much into the past or getting apprehensive about the future. But, there is beautiful tranquillity in just being a distant observer to your own self. Buddhism and meditation talk about this route. Ever felt caught up intensely in the emotions being portrayed by a movie? Why? It’s not even your own life? Now what if for a second, you could objectively analyse your life – and for the sake of this objectivity, assume that your life is not your own. In fact, Buddhism preaches the concept of not-self. It is the most effective way of introspection. And in this moment of objective self-analysis, if one can be mindful of his own thoughts and body, there is a peaceful breeze of calmness that brushes through. Following this I soon realized that it is seldom that we’re unhappy in the present moment. A little bit more on ‘past’ later.

2.     Being grateful: I read it somewhere on the internet and I am too lazy to look up the website again- but it advised that in order to be happy, one needs to be grateful of all the small things that make one happy. Biologically, this releases the hormone Serotonin. Smile, and find something you’re grateful for.

3.     Staying optimistic: Negativity is a downward spiral- one of the reasons why it is so difficult to get out of depression, a person loses the will to fight. He is left with no hope for a better future. More on ‘hope’ later.

Moving on, forgiving ourselves

Feeling attached to our surroundings and the people close to us is a trait engrained in our heads by evolution. And even in today’s world, when man seems to have conquered the forces of nature, this trait holds great importance. The bond of family must remain unshakable. But what about past experiences?

Do we find ourselves being bothered by the bad ones? Let go. It happened for a reason- to teach you a lesson. Remember the lesson but forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Do we find ourselves gloating about the good ones? Don’t rest on your laurels. Nothing is permanent. Also, I once read- “People want you to be successful, they genuinely do. But, not more than themselves.”

What will people think / say?
What if Nicolaus Copernicus never unveiled his Heliocentric model because of fear of rejection? We would have still been under the impression that Earth is the centre of this solar system (or maybe universe) - yeah we’re just that self centered (appreciate the literal symbolism, thanks).I may have quote a very extreme example. Or so you think. But cogitate the impact of other people’s opinions on the decisions you make on a daily basis. The clothes you wear, the career you choose, etc. Translating a Hindi quote I recently came across, “A person should feel good about himself, in his own eyes. The wretched world complains even about the God.”

Finding meaning

Viktor Frankl in his book “Man’s search for meaning” concurs with Nietzsche’s opinion that happiness is only a by- product that can be achieved when we pursue our life’s mission. To quote Nietzsche, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how”. While this is the philosophy I feel most aligned to, there are two aspects of it which deride me-

1.     It abstains from the fundamental of living in the moment: the philosophy is future oriented and is, more often than not, bound to make you discontented in the present. Moreover, the future is not a rosy picture either. Let me explain briefly- has it ever happened that you believed that it was imperative that you achieve X. Now you would sacrifice a lot in the present to achieve X, leaving you discontented. But you could console yourself because you hope that it being a better future. But has it happened that as soon as you got this X, you did not feel as happy as you had expected? Or that the happiness was miserably short-lived? In fact, according to Buddhism, the biggest cause of suffering is craving.

2.     Life’s meaning: The second problem with Nietzsche’s philosophy is that in the modern world, it is extremely difficult to (a) find the meaning and (b) pursue it. Now the (b) part is a matter of self-motivation and is still easier to overcome. But, the part dealing with finding life’s purpose is extremely difficult. Few people are able to find it (and yes, if they pursue it, they’ll achieve greatness in the long run) but what about the rest? Should the rest of the population feel dismayed? I’m not even talking about being a dumb driven cattle. There is a median between these two extremes: people who do not know what their long term, end goal of life is but in the present they take informed decisions. And you know what, I believe that life would be meaningless if we discover its meaning before time. Ah, appreciate the irony. Nature has its way of teaching lessons to us, all in good time.

Being the best version of yourself

In a few years, I will try to link these three points to spirituality. But until then, I shall enlist them in bare text:

1.     Giving to the society: In one episode of the sitcom Friends, Joey proves to Phoebe that there is no selfless good deed. Even if you donate to charity, it makes you feel good – so it’s not entirely selfless. But there’s a difference between this selfishness and the orthodox kind. The former is noble happiness. It does not have to be in the form of money or materialistic comforts. It can be something as simple as teaching the underprivileged or even talking to the less fortunate with as much respect as we portray for our bosses at work. Let’s be a little more welcoming and kind.

2.     Highest ethics: In 2014, I had heard Mahatria Ra speak about following highest ethics in every aspect of life. Be honest with yourself. Don’t like your work? Quit it. Can’t quit it? Appreciate it- it’s the best thing out there for you. Don’t look at work as 40 hours a week- see the value that you can add. Don’t feel grumpy about Mondays- feel energised about it.

3.     Living healthy: Smoking, alcoholism and other forms of inebriation are taking you away from the best gift you have- the five senses. There can be happiness in every healthy breath of air you draw.

4.     Finding Balance: Extremism is almost always the extreme worst. Find a balance between reading and writing, between work and play, between partying and meditation. Find the right balance for every aspect of life.

To sum up

Tesla believed that the greatest cause of emotional suffering is the failure to introspect. We fail to question* our state, our purpose, our actions. Combining the various philosophies, it can be concluded that the following are prerequisites to happiness:

1.     Hope - of a better future

2.     Continuous mindfulness (living in the moment)

3.     Periodical introspection

4.     Being grateful

5.     Being the best version of yourself.

*You might like to read Poem: The Cornerstone (Poem - 3 minutes read)

There are still a lot of things that have the potential of pushing us down that I haven’t talked about in these 1,400 words – there are situations when we feel truly helpless and it may be because of the chains that bind us. I shall continue my quest to finding answers to those questions and maybe then I’ll post updates on this post.